how to milk a unicorn

1. Find a female unicorn. Both male and female unicorns have horns, so you’ll have to look between the legs, just in front of the anus, to identify the sex. A male unicorn will be hung like a horse. If you discover a gigantic penis down there — you’ll know it when you see it — keep looking for another unicorn to milk.

boy butterfly

ONE HALLOWEEN, I think I was like four, maybe five, I was really little, and I had a hard-core lisp, and I was kind of fat, and my mom was like, she asked me, OK Jordan, what do you want to be for Halloween this year, and I remember thinking about it for a second and the idea came to my mind and to my eyes, and I was like, I want to be a butterfly. And my mom just went with it. She didn’t try to steer me toward something more masculine or say that’s not what boys do. She was just like, OK, you want to be a butterfly, you’re gonna be a butterfly.

the ghosts of catahoula

THE GHOSTS OF CATAHOULA get laid out in the Madonna Hall, but it’s not a true death, because as soon as they’re buried in Our Lady of the Lake Cemetery, they sprout from a whirlpool at the lake’s deepest point and live life all over again.