TRUE STORY. My audition for high school show choir was so disastrous that later in the semester when Bobby Gillette had to drop out, the director of the choir invited me to take Bobby’s spot, but only on the condition that I lip-sync instead of sing. I would merely be a place filler, in other words, a means of preserving the symmetry of the choreography. Under no circumstances could I actually produce any noises with my mouth. Of course I said yes. The cummerbunds were red, and so were the bow-ties. The music was Andrew Lloyd Webber. And there was a very symmetric starburst at the finale of the medley thanks to my pair of jazz hands.